Friday, May 11, 2012

The Striker 9000

      So my friend Kyle and I like to make movies in our free time. Movies are a passion of mine. It seems that I can't watch the a single film without thinking thoughts like, "Wow this director does some interesting transitions,"  or, "This is so Hollywood I wanna gag." I always get uncomfortable when people ask me what I thought of the latest movie I saw in the theaters. The probability is that I hated it (because it sucked) and they loved it (because a lot of people love movies that suck), and then I have to decide what's more important, sharing my obnoxious abhorrence of the movie or letting it slide for the sake of civility. Usually the former prevails.

I take great pleasure, however, in being a movie snob.

Sometimes when I have a little free time, I make a list of movies I know are too indie or underground for Family Video to have (e.g. Stranger Than Paradise or Love and Death), then I ask the worker to look my whole list up one by one. When she says something like, "No, we don't have that one either," I say something along the lines of, "It figures." in a sort of better-than-thou way and take off.

For all those who think I'm a wacko, I understand. The above story is not actually true, I've only thought about doing it. 

Let's get back to the point!

      So my friend Kyle and I like to make movies in our free time. The one below is actually not a movie, but a commercial we came up with. I hope you like it!

I plan to post more of out movies soon, so keep an eye out!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

The Snapper

I've recently purchased the greatest machine in lawn care equipment known to man. 

So my neighbor, Sharon, used to always let me borrow her lawn mower whenever I needed, for which I have been very grateful, and for the past 3 years, this has taken care of all my lawn care needs. However this year, Sharon informed me that she no longer needed the rider and has sold it, to my dismay. 

I began to think of other ways I could mow the lawn. I remembered a good idea from my childhood...


hmmm, maybe that would work. I also remembered some video I had taken of how they mow the lawn in Kenya...

...not exactly proper body mechanics... I think I'd throw my back out.

This was quite the problem.

But then! My good buddy Ryan Pennewill came to the rescue. One day I got a text asking if I want to buy his lawn mower. I thought to myself, "Ryan Pennewill has the greatest lawn mower on the planet! Certainly it is out of my price range." Then he told me he'd sell it for 40 bucks! "The chance of a lifetime!" I thought to myself. 

And so without further adieu, I introduce to you...


The snapper is the most erganomical, reliable, affordable, dependable, and beautiful mower on the market.

The handlebars are so inviting. Makes you want to just grab hold and mow til the sun goes down.

Here's why the Snapper is the best:

First of all, there's no reverse. The Snapper is essentially saying, "I don't go back." If I were to run it into a tree, it would just keep moving forward until the tree gives or it finds a way around it. Maybe that's how more of us should live our lives...

Which brings me to my next point; since the lever for the gear switch is broken, unless you have the brake pressed, The Snapper is always moving. There is no "neutral". And unlike the sissy lawnmowers of now-a-days, The Snapper doesn't shut off if you don't have your weight on the seat. So basically, if I were to fall off while riding, The Snapper would just keep on going. Forever probably. Nothing hinders The Snapper's progress.

Not sure what they're talking about here...

Sure passerby's may laugh when they see me shredding my lawn with The Snapper. I like to remind myself laughter is often a sign of burning jealousy...

If you see it coming, you better run.

AND, you may recognize this beast of a machine from the American classic Forrest Gump:

So I would highly recommend you ditch whatever inferior mowing equipment you have, and get yourself a Snapper. It will finally get you the Jenny you've been searching for.

Monday, March 26, 2012

3 Easy Steps for Great Grass Pictures

Here are my 3 easy steps for getting great pictures of grass:

1. Grab your camera

2. Roll around in the grass

3. Snap that sucker like crazy

I applied this method and here's what I got...

....when suddenly I noticed some SUSPICIOUS activity by my roommate! Luckily he didn't know I was there...

hmmm... who's that he's talking to?...

...and what's in the bag?...

...clearly he's up to something....

...suuuurreee... "Pizza".... like I'd believe that trick...

...I'll be watching you Adam!

The End

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

It's Good to be Alive

Every spring I can't help but to start humming the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. The song was written by a local band and a good friend of mine. The band is called The Illalogical Spoon. They have some of the most creative, passionate, and catchy music I've ever heard (a combination rarely found). If you ever get the chance to see them play, I suggest you do it! They're often found at Cuppa, in Jackson, MI.

Okay enough plugs.

The song's chorus goes like this (as quoted from memory):

Oh my! Spring is here, the birds are singing in my ear
Singing "Once again the earth is new, and you can start over too."
Oh my! Spring arrived, it makes me happy to be alive
It sings to me "Don't be afraid to lose, and don't let life pass you by."

Love it.

So I decided to grab the camera and see what's becoming alive. Here's a bit of what I found

I love my car.

Got the bike up and running, been all over town.

Abusing Britney's equipment

Peanut butter lasts pretty well through the winter!

God's art.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

A Trip to Sackrider Hill

Little Marcus was excited. It had snowed so much during the night that his school day was canceled. Whenever there were snow days, Marcus and his friends all knew where they'd end up; Sackrider Hill.

On snowdays, Sackrider Hill was full of kids with toboggans, sleds, saucers, trashcan lids, shovels, and anything else they could use as a ride to whiz down what seemed like a mountain. Marcus was excited to sled, which was one of his favorite winter activities, but he was even more excited in the hopes that Emily Struble was going to be there.

Emily Struble: a cute, curly blonde haired princess that all the boys in school, including Marcus, had crushes on. It was easy to see why. She was as sweet as any darling you've ever met and she was nice to everyone, even the boys and girls that not many kids liked. When she smiled, you'd think she was the happiest girl in the world. It was contagious. She was contagious, and Marcus had caught the bug.

"Mom!!! Can you take me to Sackrider Hill today?!"

"Well, I have to take care of some things right now," Marcus' mom responded, "but around noon I can."

"Yes!!!" Marcus shouted. He ran to get his snow clothes on.

"Honey, don't get dressed yet it's only nine in the morning!" his mother shouted, but to no avail. Marcus was in the zone.

Marcus loved his mom. When people said the word 'family', Marcus thought of only one person; his mother. Marcus had never met his dad, he had left before he was born. He didn't have any brothers or sisters either. When other kids would talk about doing things.with their dad or brothers, Marcus wondered what that would be like. His mom was his everything.

When they arrived to the hill, Marcus quickly spotted a group of his friends. As he kissed his mom goodbye, she informed him she'd be back in about an hour to pick him up.

"Okay mom!" he shouted back as he began his trek up the hill to catch up to his buddies.

When his mother returned, she didn't see him anywhere. The hill was rather large, and as she scanned its side, she began to spot some of his friend's familiar faces, but no Marcus. She decided to park the car and go searching on foot.  As she walked around, she finally spotted a little ball of a boy, all alone, near some pricker bushes who was shaped an awfully lot like Marcus

"Hey buddy, what are you doing?" she asked as she got closer to him.


He was breaking little sticks and throwing them at his boots.

"I wanna go." he said.

His mother hesitatingly agreed. It was clear something was wrong, but no matter how much she asked him about it, he kept responding in the negative with one-liners like 'no' or 'nothing'.

What she didn't know was that while Marcus had been playing with a couple of his buddies at the hill, he had spotted Emily. She looked cuter than ever with her purple knitted hat pushing down her beautiful yellow curls. Marcus couldn't wait to go up to talk to her. Then it happened. Billy Walker, one of Marcus' best friends, went right up to Emily Struble and kissed her on the cheek. How could he do that?! Marcus was crushed. He knew that Billy knew that he liked her, but he did it anyway! Right in front of him! It was the ultimate back-stabbing. From that point on, Marcus had run and hid in the briers.

When they got home, Marcus went to his room and closed the door. He had so much rage inside him. He started punching his pillow, pretending it was Billy. Then he started to cry. He cried for a while, which finally made him fall asleep.

When his mother called for dinner, Marcus didn't even want to get out of bed. He was lying motionless, staring at the ceiling.

"Marcus! Get out here, dinner's ready!"

Marcus slowly sulked down the hall to the dinner table.

"Honey what's the matter? You haven't been your usual self since you went sledding."


"It's not nothing now tell me. Did something happen?"

"No! Leave me alone."

"Marcus I'm not going to leave you alone I'm your mother. Now what happened?"

"Shut up! I don't want to talk about it!" Marcus ran back to his room and slammed the door.

Marcus had never said 'shut up' to his mom before. He felt bad for it. But ya know what he thought, she wouldn't leave me alone! He tried not to think about it. He didn't want to think about any of it. He wished today had never happened.

Marcus' mom opened his door and told him to come back out for dinner. "You don't have a choice." She said.

"Fine," he responded and walked down the hallway to his seat at the table

As they ate, all that was heard was the clink of their forks hitting the plates. She had made a ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, and dinner rolls. This was her favorite meal from when she was a kid. She's never been able to make it quite like her mother did, but she had passed away a few years prior and so any hope of some sort of secret recipe was lost.

Marcus finally broke the silence with, "These beans are nasty."

His mother turned and looked at him. He felt her eyes on him, but she wasn't saying anything. He finally looked back at her.

"What?" he said defensively.

She said nothing; just continued looking at him, one eyelid slightly lower than the other.

"What?!" he said more forcefully and with a child's bad attitude.

The silence was worse than anything she could say. It was driving him mad. He put his fork down on his plate.

"Can I go to my room?!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, how about you do that." she responded calmly. He walked off and silence took over the house.

Marcus had already gotten ready for bed by the time his mother came to tuck him in. She walked in peacefully and sat near his bed. A short pause lingered.

"Honey. Why are you acting this way?" she said quietly.

"I saw Billy kiss Emily right on the cheek! I hate him so much! He knows how much I like her and he didn't even care! I never want to see either of them again."

Marcus had held back his tears as he spoke, but when he finished he let out a heavy sigh. Then silence once again took the room.

"...Marcus, do you know what day it is today?"

Marcus was caught off guard.

"..Uh... no. What?"

"Today is my birthday." his mother said softly.

Guilt swept over Marcus like a cold chill. How could he have forgotten? His mind flashed back to how they had celebrated her birthday last year. They had both gotten dressed up and went out to a really fancy restaurant. Marcus hated getting dressed up and thought the food was horrible, but it didn't matter because it was her birthday and so she got to pick. Then they went to a movie that Marcus thought was so boring, but at least they were together. Marcus slowly began to cry, only this time, it grew into a weep. He forgot about the situation at Sackrider Hill. All he could think about was how terrible he had treated his mom, and on her birthday no less.

"Mom, I'm so sorry!!" he managed to speak through his tears.

"Honey! Come here," she said as she pulled him in to hug her. "I forgive you."

His crying got slightly heavier, than slowly began to subside. They held their embrace.

"Marcus I want to tell you something."

"Yeah?" he said still sniffling.

"When you don't forgive someone for something they've done to you, it's like a little thorn grows around your heart, and the longer they go unforgiven, the more that that thorn grows, and the more other thorns grow with it. Then when someone wants to get close to your heart, instead of feeling love, they just get poked. And sometimes, it's really hard to forgive people for what they did to you. But you know what? Jesus forgave you and me. He took those thorns that you put around your heart and he was nailed to a tree with them so that we don't have to have them anymore. So the next time you're having trouble forgiving someone, you need to ask Jesus to help you okay?"

Marcus asked his mom to pray with him to help him forgive Billy.

After their prayer, Marcus said, "Mom. I'm sorry for saying shut up to you."

"I forgive you," she said.

The cross at the top of Sackrider Hill, Grass Lake, Michigan.