The Snapper

I've recently purchased the greatest machine in lawn care equipment known to man. 

So my neighbor, Sharon, used to always let me borrow her lawn mower whenever I needed, for which I have been very grateful, and for the past 3 years, this has taken care of all my lawn care needs. However this year, Sharon informed me that she no longer needed the rider and has sold it, to my dismay. 

 

I began to think of other ways I could mow the lawn. I remembered a good idea from my childhood...

 

hmmm, maybe that would work. I also remembered some video I had taken of how they mow the lawn in Kenya...

 

...not exactly proper body mechanics... I think I'd throw my back out.

This was quite the problem.

But then! My good buddy Ryan Pennewill came to the rescue. One day I got a text asking if I want to buy his lawn mower. I thought to myself, "Ryan Pennewill has the greatest lawn mower on the planet! Certainly it is out of my price range." Then he told me he'd sell it for 40 bucks! "The chance of a lifetime!" I thought to myself. 

And so without further adieu, I introduce to you...

THE...

The snapper is the most erganomical, reliable, affordable, dependable, and beautiful mower on the market.

The handlebars are so inviting. Makes you want to just grab hold and mow til the sun goes down.

Here's why the Snapper is the best:

First of all, there's no reverse. The Snapper is essentially saying, "I don't go back." If I were to run it into a tree, it would just keep moving forward until the tree gives or it finds a way around it. Maybe that's how more of us should live our lives...

Which brings me to my next point; since the lever for the gear switch is broken, unless you have the brake pressed, The Snapper is always moving. There is no "neutral". And unlike the sissy lawnmowers of now-a-days, The Snapper doesn't shut off if you don't have your weight on the seat. So basically, if I were to fall off while riding, The Snapper would just keep on going. Forever probably. Nothing hinders The Snapper's progress.

Not sure what they're talking about here...

Sure passerby's may laugh when they see me shredding my lawn with The Snapper. I like to remind myself laughter is often a sign of burning jealousy...



If you see it coming, you better run.




AND, you may recognize this beast of a machine from the American classic Forrest Gump:






So I would highly recommend you ditch whatever inferior mowing equipment you have, and get yourself a Snapper. It will finally get you the Jenny you've been searching for.